I know I’ve told this story before, but my abusive ex refused to let me take birth control. I was on the pill until he found them in my purse.
I went to the Student Health Center—they were completely unhelpful, choosing to lecture me about the importance of safe sex (recommending condoms) instead of actually listening to my problem.
Then I went to Planned Parenthood. The Nurse Practitioner took one look at my fading bruises and stopped the exam. She called in the doctor. The doctor came in and simply asked me: “Are you ready to leave him?” When I denied that I was being abused, she didn’t argue with me. She just asked me what I needed. I said I need a birth control method that my boyfriend couldn’t detect. She recommended a few options and we decided on Depo.
When I told her that my boyfriend read my emails and listened to my phone messages and was known to follow me, she suggested to do the Depo injections at off hours when the clinic was normally closed. She made a note in my chart and instructed the front desk never to leave messages for me—instead, she programmed her personal cell phone number into my phone under the name “Nora”. She told me she would call me to schedule my appointments; she wouldn’t leave a message, but I should call her back when I was able to.
And that was it. No judgment. No lecture. She walked me to the door and told me to call her day or night if I needed anything. That she lived 5 blocks from campus and would come get me. That I wasn’t alone. That she just wanted me to be safe.
I never called her to come to my rescue. But I have no doubt that she would have come if I had called. She kept me on Depo for a year, giving me those monthly injections in secret, helping me prevent a desperately unwanted pregnancy.
I cannot thank Planned Parenthood enough for the work they do.
Here’s a little “survey” for you to fill out for your personal use.
I’ve seen a few of these surveys floating around for sexually adventurous people, and they talk in depth about various sex acts—which is super cool; it gives a person a way to discuss their aw yeahs and no ways with their partner.
So, this is my asexual variation. It can obviously be used for any orientation, but I just designed it with aces in mind. Feedback is welcome—this can definitely evolve to suit the needs of people!
[Print friendly versions available, so let me know if you need one.]
Obviously as I’ve said before this isn’t an ace-specific blog, but this might come in handy for our followers, especially since it helps in figuring out what you want romantically as well. Though I do wish there was a “maybe” option.
I wish there was a maybe option too. :( Though I guess you could write “maybe” under “let me specify”.
This is great!
The rebloggable version, by request!
[Text: Anonymous asked: “Why are you posting asexual stuff on a SEX POSITIVE blog”
fuckyeah-sexpositivity answered: “Because, dear anon, sex positivity does not mean erasing or shaming the experiences of those who are asexual.
Actually, I think we need to have this conversation.
I actually am of the mindset we need more perspectives of asexuality within the sex positive movement. Because there’s an all too common mantra within our movement that goes, “Sex is beautiful and natural and everyone wants to have sex so it’s nothing to be ashamed of!”
And I agree, sex is nothing to be ashamed of. But there’s one little detail there: not everyone wants sex or gets pleasure from it. They’re roughly 1% of the population. And with 7 billion people on the planet, 1% equals 70,000,000. Seventy million people is a lot of experiences to erase.
So, roughly 70,000,000 people on this planet don’t want sex. Or they want sex in certain contexts. Or they kind of sometimes want sex but not often. Or they have sex to satisfy a partner, but don’t get much out of it for themselves. Or they have a sex drive, just… not towards other people. Or they can’t stand the thought of sex.
And that’s okay too.
Sex positivity for me is accepting that whether you have sex a lot, or you never have sex, whether you have a million kinks or you can’t stand sex outside the missionary position, whether you are gay, straight, bisexual, pansexual, omnisexual, sapiosexual, autosexual, objectumsexual, or asexual, the way you look at sex and attraction is valid and normal, as long as it’s not hurting anyone.
So that is why I am posting asexual content on a sex positivity blog. And that is why I will continue to do so.”]